Now it came to pass that in the 2013th year, behold, Matthew was 23. And the father of Matthew did have a work party at his house. And the father of Matthew did command that Matthew and his brother should stand vigil outside the house of Matthew's father that they might tell the friends of their father where they might park. And in the even, Matthew and his brother beheld that a black widow dwelt in the mailbox of their family.
And on the morrow, Matthew and his brother did sally forth unto the mailbox that they might slay the black widow. Now the family of Matthew had poison with which they might slay black widows and all manner of vermin, but when Matthew sprayed with black widow with the poison, behold, there was no poison left. And Matthew was sore wroth.
Therefore, Matthew and his brother did speak together that they might devise a strategem with which they might slay the black widow. And behold, the brother of Matthew did take up a stick, and he draggeth the black widow from her web. And when the black widow was thus dragged, behold, Matthew took up a stone, and he smote the black widow with the stone. And when the black widow was thus smitten, behold, it perished. Now this was the 6th black widow which Matthew had slain. And all the people rejoiced.
And in the 2014th year, when fall was come, behold, Matthew and his bretheren sat in the house of Matthew and made merry. And while they made merry, rain began to fall, and behold, a bird flew into the house of Matthew. And the bird was yellow. But the bird was a fool, and became lost within the house. And the bird flew unto the window, and smote his head upon the window. And the bird was sore afraid.
Now Kyle went unto the window, and he reacheth unto the bird with his hand. But the bird knew not that Kyle sought to help him, and behold, he escapeth Kyle, and smote his head upon the window again.
Them Matthew came unto the bird, and encircled the bird with his fingers. And the bird was sore afraid, but behold, the bird could not escape the hands of Matthew. And Matthew carried the bird unto the door and released him, saying, "Fly away thou bird, lest thou smite thy head upon the window yet again, even unto death." And the bird flew away.
And the bretheren of Matthew were astonished by this thing, for Matthew took up the bird in his own hands, and behold, the bird was not injured. And all the people rejoiced, for Matthew had not slain the bird as he had slain the black widow.
